A New Year, A New You...

....or new me! :)

Resolutions aren't really my thing. I don't have any, nor do I plan to come up with any. Sure, I want to be better about some things, okay, a lot of things, this year - but I don't need to make a list to know what they are!

I'm making changes, I've already started - and that's what's most important! And I hope you will too! :)


Things I'm Excited about RIGHT NOW!

1) The Bachelor - Okay, so Jake's a tool, everyone knows it...but I just can't help being addicted to this show! I'm excited to see what happens and I'm certain I will be googling the end result in the next few weeks! I promise not to spoil it for anyone! :)

2) The Amazing Race - I've never watched this show, but rumor has it that Jeff and Jordan, my absolute favorites, from the last season of Big Brother will be competing and that reason alone is enough to make excited about it starting!

3) Thursday - which means tomorrow is Friday and that is the WEEKEND!!! :)

4) Boone - We're planning another Boone trip for the end of this month and since the last one was so much fun, I'm sure this one will be a blast as well! Most importantly, I'm going to need there to be a lot of snow!

5) Technology - So I've apparently been way behind the rest of the world BUT, I now have iTunes and I can now also create my very own AWESOME ringtones for free. *Shout-out* to my "secret" friend, Stephen Smith for this! :P


Life is good!

Broken-hearted

"Whatever the difficulty, the blow, we must keep on. God will lead to the result that will glorify Him"

Sometimes I like to spend a little time with Dad just listening to music, singing along and worshiping Him that way. Last night, He really struck my heart with the song Hosanna by Hillsong, most specifically, the part below.

*Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen;
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause*

I know that I fail so often at loving others, even those closest to me the way that I should, the way Christ loves them. I might listen to them when I hear about what's going on in their lives, but my self-centeredness keeps me from really trying to understand and feel their pain. I have enough going on in my life, so why would I ever want to carry the weight of someone else's heartache, too? Of course, I'm not a robot and I do feel emotion when my friends and family are down. However, more often that not, it's usually short lived and probably surface level, at most.

Laying in my bed last night, God used the words of that song to really convict me. I prayed over and over for God to show me how to love others the way that He does. And, I prayed that He would break my heart for the things that break His. I prayed expectantly, but His response came much sooner than I thought it would.

My heart literally aches this morning and it's as if my eyes have been opened wide to all the pain I've seen going on around me lately, but have been almost numb to. I've spent the morning in my office choking back tears because I feel lost and broken, helpless really, and it's not even me going through times of great suffering right now.

In the past week alone, I've heard about and seen a tremendous amount of shame and discouragement, confusion and frustration, and just plain hurt and sadness going on in the lives of some of my closest family and friends. Friendships and relationships are falling apart, people are placing their security and self-worth in so many unstable things, and others have lost their sense of purpose or direction, they feel like there is nothing to hope in. Everywhere I look strong, amazing, wonderful people are fighting battles and slowly being beaten down, discouraged, demoralized. It's disheartening to watch and I wish so much I had the right words to say to build them up.

Some of the battles these people are fighting I have been through before and know the pain all too well; others, I can't even begin to understand. I believe that God hurts when we hurt and I know His heart breaks to see some of the steps we take in life and the lies we allow ourselves to believe about who we are.

I'm thankful that God answered my prayer, and has allowed me to feel even a little of the hurt that is going on in the lives of just these few people close to me. My heart really is broken with them and for them, as I can only pray it will be for so many more friends and strangers, along the way. Because of this, I'm continuing to ask that God shows me how to love these people the right way, with a love that could only come from Him. And that through that, people will see Jesus in me.

As a child of God, and knowing that each of these people are believers, I'm also encouraged with the fact that God has chosen to use even little sinners like us to further His kingdom. I pray that Dad would fill these people with peace and comfort, that comes only from Him, as they walk through these storms of life. I pray that He would use me to love on and encourage them along the way. No matter how hard the trial now, I have faith that God is going to use each of these things to bring glory and honor to His name.

365 days

9 Pictures of the People I couldn't have made it through 2009 without!






































































9 Best and Worst of Everything in 2009


Best - Summer beach trips --> I love the beach more than words can say. Combine that with sunny summer days and some of my favorite people ever and there's nothing better!



Worst - My job --> I've struggled more this year than ever about being satisfied with my job. I should be thankful, and maybe even have this as a "best" since I do still have a job, but I'm praying hard for whatever it is God has next.


Best - Weddings --> Let's face it - I love just about anything that has to do with "love", including weddings. These days, I love weddings even more because it means catching up with lots of great college friends! And, with all the people getting married, I got to do A LOT of catching up this year!


Worst - Grandparents --> Another thing that could be a "best" because thankfully they are still with us. Sadly, this summer I was able to see and process for the first time just how much they really are struggling health wise. I feel blessed to have had them in my life for so long and selfishly, I wish that they could be around for so many more years.


Best - Hope Internship --> The first 6 months of the year I was able to not only gain ministry experience working with a middle school youth group, but I also gained an extended family, even if for only a short time. God couldn't have put them in my life at a more needed time and I'm so thankful for each one of them. Many of my favorite memories from this year include the people I met through working at Hope.



Worst - Back/Hip injury --> I'd say I'm way too young to be dealing with injuries that occur as a result of nothing I can remember doing and keep me in pretty consistent pain. Stupid getting older!


Best - Boone trip --> It's harder to camp than you think, I love the mountains and hiking more than I ever thought I would, and best friends and a good attitude makes even the most awful situations funny.


Worst - Noah --> Now if you know anything about my dog, you could assume the "Worst" and "Noah" on the same line could merely be attributed to his less than acceptable behavior. While there was a lot of that this year, I loved that dog more than most humans probably would've and saying goodbye to him so early definitely makes for one of the hardest things I've done this year.



Best - Accountability group --> This group of girls challenged and encouraged me so much in my personal life and my walk with Christ. God totally used them to foster growth and change in me this past year and I wouldn't be the same person I am today without their love and friendship.

*In Memory of Noah*

January 9th, 2007 I brought home a 10-pound bundle of fun named Noah. A Boxer and my first dog as an adult, I was hopeful and certain that he would be with me for many years to come. There is no pretending that he was the best-mannered dog in the world, but his extremely goofy, outgoing personality and love for every person he met seemed to make up for his frequent misbehaving. Only one month after his 3rd birthday, I noticed some things out of the ordinary for Noah and decided to schedule an appointment with the Vet. I arrived at the Vet on a Wednesday afternoon, fully expecting to leave an hour later with medicine for something simple, but instead left preparing myself to possibly have just a short time left with my dog. Over the next couple of days, his health rapidly deteriorated and the Vets confident diagnosis was that he had a brain tumor. Sadly, I had to say goodbye to my sweet pup the morning of December 12th, 2009. Emotionally, the situation has been incredibly hard, but I am glad to know that he is no longer sick and suffering. I am thankful for the short time we had together and I will miss him terribly.

*Update on Noah*

It's highly likely that if you've even only had a handful of conversations with me or read my blog on just a few occasions that you've heard about my dog, Noah. He pees in the house when we've just come in from outside, he's ruined furniture and broken windows, and I'd guess that I've lost a couple hundred dollars in underwear thanks to him mistaking them for special snacks. He's not the worlds worst dog, but I'd say when the vets office has said he's one of their most obnoxious clients, that he's ranking pretty far up there! Still though, that dog loves life, like really loves life, and boy do I love him. He makes me crazy, but it seems I just can't get enough of him!

This past week he's been crying out like he's in pain on multiple occasions and I haven't been able to figure out what is wrong. Additionally, a few days ago, he started to seem a little off balance when walking and such. So, after a week of this, I decided yesterday to take him to the vet. I assume the visit wouldn't take that long and since some of the issues seemed to correlate with his need to relieve himself, I assumed he was just dealing with some sort of small infection that we could clear right up. But, what I heard was way different.

Over the course of our 2 1/2 hour appointment, not only was the vet we had come to see checking out Noah, but also 2 other vets, all trying to see what was going on. After checking his blood pressure and ears to try and pinpoint his balance issue, they still didn't have an answer. The vet said that usually the next step they would suggest would be to see a neurologist because it seemed like his issues are brain related. On top of that, she said she had to add that Boxers, more often than other dogs, have issues of higher rates of canter and brain tumors! But, just to cover all their bases, she offered to run a few more tests there. While none of them showed anything worth looking into, she prescribed him some medicine for things that she wouldn't be able to find via testing just to see if maybe he'll respond to those. However, over the next few weeks, if he's not responding, she said that we could pretty much assume the worst.

I know I'm a tool for doing it, but of course the minute I got home last night, I looked up symptoms of brain tumors in dogs. I found a ton of information on the NCSU Vet School website, who go figure, has been researching brain tumors in Boxers because the rate of this breed having brain tumors at a much younger age is "concerning". It was pretty scary reading the website because a great majority of the symptoms I found for brain tumors in dogs, including crying out as if in pain, are all things that I've noticed in Noah lately. Looking back, not that I could have changed anything, but there are things I've noticed in him for weeks, or even months, that didn't seem at all out of the ordinary, but after reading the website, now stick out vividly in my mind.

Of course, myself, and more than just a few others are praying that it turns out to be nothing but a great big scare! At the same time, conditions don't look favorable and I'm also kind of expecting the worst. Don't get me wrong, it's not me being negative at all. In reality, knowing that a lot of the symptoms he has point to a possible brain tumor and knowing the vet mentioned this as an equally likely cause, make it hard for me to think it could be much else. If it turns out be nothing big, then I'll have a million reasons to be ecstatic!!! But, if it does turn out to be a brain tumor, or something of the sorts, then at least I've been able to try and make the last weeks of my once wild-little pups life the best ever AND I've had time to prepare myself as much as I emotionally can for what is coming.

All in all, he is just a dog, and from an eternal perspective, I know that he doesn't have a soul. So, while that doesn't make me feel any better on the emotional side of things, it does help offer me some peace in the midst of this scary time, even when I don't have any understanding.

He's a 70 pound lapdog with tons of attitude and thinks he can do whatever he wants..but honestly right now, I just don't know what is going to happen.

So, if you would, pray for a miracle! Pray that it's nothing at all and that the emotional wreck I've been for 24 hours straight will have all been in vain. But, also pray, that if it is confirmed as the worst, that though my heart will be really broken, I'd be happy with the memories I've had with Noah and be filled with peace about the whole situation.

He's just a dog, I know, but reasonable as it might seem to some and silly as it might seem to others - he's my little family...and I do not want to lose that.

I'm thankful for....

*Jesus and the gift of eternal life*amazing friends and tons of pictures*rainy days and romantic movies*sparkly ornaments and mistletoe*fantastic parents and wonderful grandparents*text messaging and good convos*mexican food and cheesecake*twin sisters and adorable nephews*late nights and sleeping in*stressful days made better with living room dance parties*full-time jobs and wolfpack wins*cute boots and misbehaving dogs*krispy kreme donuts and iced white mochas*sarcasm and laughing until you cry*fun games and good company*daydreaming and everything the future holds....*

"i've heard that it's possible to grow up - i've just never met anyone who's actually done it. without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. we throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. like children, we never give up hope..." - greys anatomy

"the fear of making permanent committments can change the mutual love of husband and wife into two loves of self; two loves exisiting side by side, until they end in separation." - pope john oaul II

"love is a feeling, marriage is a contract, and relationships take work." - lori gordon

"humor helps us think out of the box. the average child laughs about 400 times per day. the average adult laughs only 15 times per day. what happened to the other 385 laughs?" - unknown

"you want fairy-tale love - you're a romantic. but what's really romantic is to wake up every morning and say 'i choose you, again. today. no matter what.'" - dirty sexy money

"the solution to adult problems tomorrow depends on large measure upon how our children grow up today" - margaret mead

"if you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? and why are you waiting?" - stephen levine

"lust is easy. love is hard. like is most important" - carl reiner

maybe close to the shortest post yet... :)

This Thanksgiving, I'm super thankful that I get to sleep in multiple days in a row! Facebook makes everything official and I miss the days when you couldn't make comments on someones wall post or status. No tears would be shed if I never again received a forwarded email. I believe sometimes different can turn out to be really good. Laura, Shelley and I started the Beth Moore, Believing God bible study a little over a week ago - GOOD STUFF! First home Storm game was last night AND Chris Hughes is home all week! I've seriously got to stop being so lazy. I like the way I can't keep my focus. Jokes about ugliness, even if not totally appropriate, are still very funny, especially when telling them with the right people.

*UPDATE*
Just discovered this, thanks to reading another friends blog and loved it so I had to add it here!

"twitterpated: an enjoyable disorder characterized by feelings of excitement, anticipation, high hopes, recent memories of interludes, giddiness and physical overstimulation which occur simultaneously when experiencing a new love. these feelings take over without warning, usually at odd times (such as at a check-out line), with or without the partner present, and make it difficult to concentrate on anything but romance. they interfere with work and safe driving, but should be experienced at least once in every person's lifetime."

In honor of my birthday! :)

My 26th birthday was at the beginning of this month, so to go with that, I figured 26 ideas, fun facts, thoughts, things going on or whatever randomness I come up with would be an appropriate post! It might also help me make up a little for being so slack in October! So here goes.



#1) I put up my Christmas tree already! :) I know it's early but with good reason! Plus this will be the first time in a couple of years I've not been moving over the Christmas holiday and actually had a tree to put up!

#2) Flashforward is one of my favorite new shows. I think it gets better every week!

#3) Kindergarten basketball is quite possibly one of the cutest and funniest things I have ever watched!

#4) No one ever seems to follow the speed limit in the school zone - and they seem to get irritated with those of us who do! At least it won't be me with the speeding ticket!

#5) I'm interested in looking for a new home church so I'm currently taking suggestions on places I should visit. I want a church that is smaller in size - mega-churches just aren't for me!

#6) I love when the leaves change color.

#7) Plain cheesecake and funfetti cupcakes are my favorite desserts - I got both for my birthday!

#8) NCSU actually won our football game this weekend! FINALLY! Go Pack! :)

#9) I went to the fair 4 times - not as many as usual, but I still had a BLAST!

#10) I left my camera downtown Raleigh, sitting outside of Krispy Kreme one night last month - 4 hours later, at 3am, when I drove back down there to pick it up, it was still sitting outside! AMAZING! :)

#11) Upward games are more than half over - time sure does fly!

#12) Chris Hughes lied and said he couldn't come home for my birthday BUT then surprised me, and everyone else, by showing up at my birthday party! Such a fun surprise!

#13) The Proposal is a fantastic movie!

#14) Old navy has outerwear on sale for up to 50% off...so tempting to buy another jacket.

#15) Noah just turned 3! Somehow he has significantly digressed in his pottying training skills and my hallway now smells similar to an outhouse! :(

#16) Taylor Swift is coming to Raleigh!

#17) Sunday afternoons were meant for napping O:)

#18) I wish my papap and grandma lived closer - I miss them.

#19) Wal-mart, regardless of where it is located, is guaranteed to provide you with the opportunity for endless hours of people watching. If you can't get to one right away, but need a quick fix - check out peopleofwalmart.com.

#20) I hate Kenny Chesney's new song.

#21) Driving with the windows down can almost always improve my mood!

#22) "Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory" is SUCH a true statement!

#23) A girl my sister and I were friends with came to know Christ at our house when we were probably in middle school. She's now an adult and apparently has been struggling some with a lot of different things. She remembered how my mom had loved on and helped her come to know Christ so many years ago and randomly showed up a week ago to talk to my mom about what was going on in her life and chose to rededicate her life that day. How cool for my mom to see the way God had used her in the past and that this girl still remembered my moms love for Jesus and her!

#24) I wish I had more time (and finances) to travel.

#25) My family is doing Secret Santa presents for the first time ever this Christmas.

#26) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND! :)


Until next time...which I promise will be sooner than next month! Or at least I hope it will be... :P

Where'd October go?!

Not a single post in October - ULTIMATE FAIL! I'm going to try and do better this month. :) But, instead of trying to tell you about the WHOLE month of October, I'll just post some fun pics and we can call it even, right? RIGHT!