i just haven't been myself...

i never used to get as anxious or as stressed out so easily. but these past few weeks, i've been shocked at how much i've let things get to me and i just really haven't been myself at all. so, if you've encountered that with me - don't worry, i'm working on getting old ashley back :)


a few things i'm excited about:

i have gift cards - and i will be heading to target to hopefully purchase some cute summer dresses :) i also have a dicks gift card. i am not sure what i will buy with it, but i was reassured by a few friends that i wear enough gym shorts and t-shirts and should be able to find something i want to buy! ha

next tuesday i'm heading to myrtle beach and staying through friday!!! i can not wait to see the ocean and spend some time alone just relaxing... and, i get to catch up with megan and maybe participate in some fun cinco de mayo celebrations! :)

my sister is having a facial party at her house on wednesday night. being the fantastic sister that i am, i told her i'd invite some more girls, so if you're interested in a free facial and some girl time - let me know!

the saving one by starfield. it's a song and maybe something weird to be happy about. i don't know if you could say i'm 'excited' about it..but i do love it so much. i just really do.

in three days time, i ate 2 meals at on the border and one at a mexican restaurant. life is good. :)


random ramblings:

like i alluded to, at the beginning of this post, the past couple of weeks have really been kind of difficult for me. i have been uncertain of the next step or the direction in which some things in my life were going. i have felt hurt and confusion, and wondered what God was up to. i've prayed, spent time in God's word, and then prayed and prayed some more.

and for whatever reason, God has chosen to answer some of those prayers in a way that i don't fully understand. He is in charge of all and i still have peace knowing that there is a lesson i am learning from all of this, even if i am not able to see it yet.

it's also caused me to see what an odd yet amazing thing it is, the way sometimes i feel like my relationship or faith in Christ, in general, works. especially in comparison to the relationships i have here on earth.

here on earth, if another person is the cause of pain in my life, the last place i'm likely to run for comfort is to that person. i want immediate understanding and reasons for the hurt or pain. i need to know why and any comfort or healing will only come from some sort of direct, and hopefully reasonable explanation.

however, with Jesus, i feel like it is so much different. not that He is the cause, exactly, of the pain in my life, but He does allow some amount of hurt and teaching moments in every ones lives, i think. but, when those things happen, instead of running away from the source of the pain, or the one allowing it, the only place i know to run to, or even want to run to, is Him. and, it is the only real place i have ever found comfort even when there is no explanation or understanding.

i have no idea where i would be without Christ in my life. i can't imagine, nor do i want to, what it would be like to walk through life, especially in hard times, without Him. stupidly, i've let myself believe so many times that the reason good things were happening was because of something i did. and, so many times, i've sought comfort and understanding in the hard times, somewhere other than Jesus.

real joy and hope and peace - they all come only from knowing and walking with Jesus.

m-w.com

fear:
an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger
anxious concern
reason for alarm; danger

synonyms: dread, fright, alarm, panic, terror, trepidation

"fear is the most general term and implies anxiety and usually loss of courage"

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
*Psalm 56:3-4*

*Safe*

To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you're on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong He'll never let you go

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Don't be fooled...

....there are so many more holidays to celebrate in April than just on the 1st! Click on the calendar above for lots more fun or interesting days to remember in the next month! :)

*Oh, happily ever after...

wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?*

-Happily Ever After by He is We

THREE YEARS!

for the first time, in three years, all of my clothes are organized and put away.

not three weeks.
not three months.
THREE YEARS.

i have too many clothes.

i.miss.college.

the best monday i've had in a while :)

today i went to target and bought NOTHING. considering all the cute new spring dresses they had - this is a pretty big accomplishment for me! :)

i'm waiting on fed ex to bring me my 3rd phone since i bought a new one in september. if this one breaks like the other two...i might throw a tiny little temper tantrum.

easter sunday will be the first day in 3 weeks (weekday or weekend) where i have not had to work for at least a couple hours at one of my jobs. life is too busy.

i did nothing to fix my hair after showering today. i realized i have a whole lot more natural wave in my hair than i ever thought i did.

the heat has been off and the windows of my apartment have been open for maybe close to a week now. i could not ask for better weather!

march madness is out of control. i'll never change my mind about this.

why don't you by ingram hill - currently listening to this song on repeat. not sure why i like it so much...but i do!

i've got to start working out again.

sams club = the place to go for cupcakes. seriously.

todays newspaper jumble was completed in under a minute. love when it happens that way.

"holding a grudge is like continuously sipping poison and expecting the other person to get sick" -
stumbled across this quote today - how true it is.

spca dog walk 2010...i could really use your support! ;)

Hop aboard Noah's Ark! :)

Team page
http://www.spcawake.org/site/TR/CommunityFundraising/General?pg=team&fr_id=1080&team_id=4090

Personal page
http://www.spcawake.org/site/TR/CommunityFundraising/General?px=1068061&pg=personal&fr_id=1080

The past two years I have participated in the SPCA Dog Walk hosted by the Wake County SPCA and I've decided again this year to sign up and start a team with some friends! The SPCA continues to rescue and improve the lives of many homeless pets in the area and I am thrilled to be apart of the work that they are doing.

Please consider helping me support this great cause by sponsoring me individually, or my team, as we try to raise money for what we believe is a great cause! Any size gift, big or small is TAX-DEDUCTIBLE, will definitely help us in reaching our goal and is much appreciated! :) Please use the link above or below to visit my individual page or my team page and sponsor me! You can even sign up to participate with us!

If you prefer, donations can also be mailed in to the address listed below! When mailing donations, please also print and include the donation form that can be found at the bottom of my personal page.

Anything you are able to give will surely help - it all adds up! I am excited to have you support me and my team and please check back on my website regularly to view my progress, as well as our teams! AND, don't forget to pass the information around to anyone you may know who'd be interested in supporting me!

Personal page
http://www.spcawake.org/site/TR/CommunityFundraising/General?px=1068061&pg=personal&fr_id=1080

Team page
http://www.spcawake.org/site/TR/CommunityFundraising/General?pg=team&fr_id=1080&team_id=4090

i wish...

i wish time would slow down, just a little bit. i wish i took more pictures. i wish i could visit the beach. i wish people were less self-centered, myself included. i wish everyone always spelled everything right. i wish the way i lived my life was a better witness for Christ. i wish there were more guarantees and less 'what ifs'. i wish my papap and grandma lived closer. i wish i knew what every word meant. i wish i got to play with more puppies. i wish people said exactly what they were thinking more often. i wish i could travel more. i wish i could eat cheesecake brownie ice cream non-stop and gain no weight. i wish i was more burdened for and bold with those who are lost. i wish i spent more time outside. i wish i saw my sister and my nephews more. i wish i could stay up later and not be so tired. i wish i could snap my fingers and my house would be clean. i wish no ones feelings ever got hurt. i wish laughter was considered an acceptable workout. i wish i didn't worry so much.