i just haven't been myself...

i never used to get as anxious or as stressed out so easily. but these past few weeks, i've been shocked at how much i've let things get to me and i just really haven't been myself at all. so, if you've encountered that with me - don't worry, i'm working on getting old ashley back :)


a few things i'm excited about:

i have gift cards - and i will be heading to target to hopefully purchase some cute summer dresses :) i also have a dicks gift card. i am not sure what i will buy with it, but i was reassured by a few friends that i wear enough gym shorts and t-shirts and should be able to find something i want to buy! ha

next tuesday i'm heading to myrtle beach and staying through friday!!! i can not wait to see the ocean and spend some time alone just relaxing... and, i get to catch up with megan and maybe participate in some fun cinco de mayo celebrations! :)

my sister is having a facial party at her house on wednesday night. being the fantastic sister that i am, i told her i'd invite some more girls, so if you're interested in a free facial and some girl time - let me know!

the saving one by starfield. it's a song and maybe something weird to be happy about. i don't know if you could say i'm 'excited' about it..but i do love it so much. i just really do.

in three days time, i ate 2 meals at on the border and one at a mexican restaurant. life is good. :)


random ramblings:

like i alluded to, at the beginning of this post, the past couple of weeks have really been kind of difficult for me. i have been uncertain of the next step or the direction in which some things in my life were going. i have felt hurt and confusion, and wondered what God was up to. i've prayed, spent time in God's word, and then prayed and prayed some more.

and for whatever reason, God has chosen to answer some of those prayers in a way that i don't fully understand. He is in charge of all and i still have peace knowing that there is a lesson i am learning from all of this, even if i am not able to see it yet.

it's also caused me to see what an odd yet amazing thing it is, the way sometimes i feel like my relationship or faith in Christ, in general, works. especially in comparison to the relationships i have here on earth.

here on earth, if another person is the cause of pain in my life, the last place i'm likely to run for comfort is to that person. i want immediate understanding and reasons for the hurt or pain. i need to know why and any comfort or healing will only come from some sort of direct, and hopefully reasonable explanation.

however, with Jesus, i feel like it is so much different. not that He is the cause, exactly, of the pain in my life, but He does allow some amount of hurt and teaching moments in every ones lives, i think. but, when those things happen, instead of running away from the source of the pain, or the one allowing it, the only place i know to run to, or even want to run to, is Him. and, it is the only real place i have ever found comfort even when there is no explanation or understanding.

i have no idea where i would be without Christ in my life. i can't imagine, nor do i want to, what it would be like to walk through life, especially in hard times, without Him. stupidly, i've let myself believe so many times that the reason good things were happening was because of something i did. and, so many times, i've sought comfort and understanding in the hard times, somewhere other than Jesus.

real joy and hope and peace - they all come only from knowing and walking with Jesus.