Thoughts for the day...

Since 2 out of all 3 of my posts have been more on the serious side - I figured some more light-hearted or really just random thoughts for the day were in order. :)

Elevators. Ever noticed how awkwardly quiet elevators can be? I'm sure that you have. Every time I go to get on the elevator in my building, I always hope that no one else will be on there. It's like something about being cramped in that small space just makes things really weird for everyone. For me, I even think it can be awkward with people I know well. Take my clients for instance or girls I work with. These are people I talk to all the time and know fairly well. 5 minutes before the elevator comes we could be chatting it up about all sorts of things, BUT, the moment we step on the elevator together it's like there's nothing of substance left to talk about. All of a sudden we resort to conversations like "Got any plans for the evening" or "I hope it's not still so hot out". Ha - maybe it's just me, but either way, it's really the oddest thing.

Individuals in need of a lawyer. That's a little awkwardly worded and I'm not really sure what to call them since that's what they are, so I'll just explain. In my office we have a lot of different law firms. One in particular gets more calls than most, and we take payments from their clients when the lawyer isn't working in the office.

For starters, we answer calls for that company by saying "Good morning, the Smith Law Group" (name changed), and I'd guess that 3 out of 5 times the first thing the caller on the other end says is "Is this the Smith Law Firm?" Ummm - hello...isn't that what I just said? The mean spirited sarcastic part of me often wants to tell them no wonder they need a lawyer because obviously they don't know how to listen or pay attention. Honestly, I don't know what it is about this certain law firm, but isn't it interesting that all their clients, and only their clients, seem to completely miss the greeting more often than not?

Secondly, lets talk about payments, or even the particular lawyer in the company they've chosen to work with. Clients for this law firm come to drop off payments for the lawyer, yet are often unaware of the name of their lawyer. Now, call me crazy, but if I'm bringing by a couple hundred dollars in cash to drop off to my lawyer, or anyone for that matter, I'd say it's pretty important that I know his name. Obviously whatever case it is you're dealing with is important enough to be handled by a lawyer and you'd think it'd be more important to actually know what that lawyers name was. Maybe that's just me...

Lightning Bugs. Next week I'm working Kindercamp at NLC and I couldn't be more excited! Even better, I get to be a Lightning Bug which is my favorite huddle! I'm hoping to find some cool way to make a little light for my shirt on huddle day. Now that would be awesome and super creative...but we'll have to see how that actually plays out!

I love the cute little 5 and 6 year olds and their silliness! They are so precious, it doesn't even phase me to swim in the lake with them because it's just too fun not to! Add to all this that my 5 year old nephew will also be at Kindercamp and sleeping over with me all week and I'm thinking it's going to be a fabulous week! :) Tiring for sure - but WOW I can not wait!

Bachelorette. Jillian picked the right guy for her! I think even if I hadn't googled spoilers for the end, that she really did seem to lean most towards Ed. A lot of people don't like him, but I do, especially for her! I think it's because I'm all about happy endings, and I think Jillian genuinely is really into this guy. She broke poor Reid's heart, but that's okay - maybe I can take a little trip to Phillie and let him know I'm still available! I'd def. be his friend! :P

I watched the finale with more guys than girls which was a little ironic. Surprisingly, one of the guys actually watched the show all season long! It was def. not a quiet evening with 10 people present at times and over half of them boys, and I missed a whole lot of things that were said. But, I think it was so much fun that it didn't really matter what was said in the end. I just loved getting to hang out with everyone! :P

Am I prepared?

Last week I spent some time catching up online on a series called Passages from the church I was attending last summer and fall and will be going back to soon. The first message in the series was on patience and how to wait in those times in life when we are just so ready for the very next thing. What an encouraging and challenging message this was for me!

Sometimes I feel like this stage of life just really stinks. It's like I'm stuck somewhere between a college kid and a real-adult. Based on my age though, and the bills I'm stuck paying, even when I don't feel like it - I'd say I am DEFINITELY a real adult! :)

I think part of the reason I feel sort of in limbo is because all those things I see as "adult" decisions or events just haven't happened yet for me. More than anything, the biggest adult thing would be that someday, I am really hoping God allows me to be a wife and a mom. But, even though I want that, I think what burdens me even more at this stage of life, is feeling a little useless in how I spend my time - particularly my work day.

I feel 100% sure that God has called me to serve Him in full-time vocational ministry. But for now, for different reasons, that just hasn't been an option. One big reason is finances. A college degree is required for just about any job these days, including ministry; ironically for me, paying back loans for that college degree is a lot of what is keeping me from exploring more vocational ministry options and having the type of job I am really passionate about. Knowing this can definitely be frustrating and discouraging at times. It's like I'm so TIRED of waiting!

That phrase is something I say so often, and was totally called out on while listening to this sermon. The pastor pointed out that so often we say "I'm tired of waiting" but in reality, shouldn't we really be saying "I'm prepared for what's next"? Last week, God showed me, in more ways than one, just how unprepared I really am. God used multiple individuals in my life to point out just how much I truly fail at setting a good example for the non-believers in my life and for loving on those who are different than me.

I constantly complain about EVERYTHING. My actions and words can change based on who I am around and sometimes I am so intimidated to be a BOLD witness for Christ no matter who is present. I'm selfish and self-centered and unwilling to inconvenience myself by inviting non-christians around me to church or church-related events because I might be uncomfortable. Seriously?! These people don't have the hope that I have in Christ and I'm worried about being uncomfortable?! How UNprepared am I?!

What's so cool is that God completely used this time of showing me so many weaknesses and humbling me, to also encourage me about right where He has me. I might not be prepared yet for the next big thing in life, but God is totally working on and preparing my heart for whatever it is. It might be 10 days from now or it might be 10 years from now, but how encouraging to know that God wants to prepare and use someone so sinful like me!

I'm excited to see what the next stage of life will bring, but until then, I'm praying for patience and hope to wait on what God has for me. I need to be seeking after Him whole heartedly and allowing Him to prepare and change my heart so that I can serve and bring Him glory, even while I wait! I know it will be big and great, whatever it is, but I definitely don't want to be there unprepared, and I'm glad to know as long as I'm seeking Christ, He won't let that happen!

"One boy fighting for one girl..."

If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you - Winnie the Pooh



In real life, most people don't meet the love of their life while posing as a high school student... and realistically, how many parents secretly hire someone to date their son? Not a chance I'm ever bumping into that cute guy I saw running at the beach later at the coffee shop and do I really expect the guy I've paid to attend a wedding with me to actually fall in love? Of course not!

Now, while I know not to expect Hollywood romances in this everyday world, it doesn't keep me from thoroughly enjoying just about every love story and romantic comedy that hits the big screen. The list of movies I own or would call my favorites feature the exact same story, being called by a different name. Boy meets girl, some sort of drama or misunderstandings ensue, they work it out, fall in love, the end. The more predictable, the better I think the movie is! In fact, I whole-heartedly expect that things will go exactly as all happy endings should, and if the conclusion offers me anything short of the guaranteed "forever" kind of love, I pretty much consider the whole movie a waste!

I've always been a sucker for love stories, probably always will be. Most likely the reason why I love Valentine's day so much! The cute scenarios and mishaps that eventually lead the couple to the fairy-tale ending are fantastic to watch, but the ending and knowing that the highlighted couple is going to be together forever is what makes it all worth it for me.

I didn't know my great-grandparents very well -I was really young when they died. But, one story I've been told and one thing about them I'll never forget, is the love that they shared for one another. My great grandma prayed that she would live to see her 70th wedding anniversary, and she died either around or right on her 70th wedding anniversary. Now yes, I'll admit, at first that sounds a little morbid, BUT when you really think about it, how cool is that?! When she said "I do" she meant forever, and I can only imagine that because I know she and my great-grandpa loved the Lord, that God totally honored her request. She literally spent an entire lifetime with the one she loved.

My grandma is two years older than my Papap and from what I've heard, she wasn't interested in giving him the time of day when they first met. He must have been one handsome and charming 20-something because somehow he managed to break down all her initial opinions of him and score himself an older woman! :P And, after 58 years of marriage, much like my great-grandparents, they are well on their way to having spent their lives with their one true love.

My grandma is a lover of word search puzzles, an amazing gardener and when she cooked, made some of the best fried chicken and sticky white rice that I think I've ever eaten. By 7am on summer mornings, when we were little, she would be tickling our feet and telling us we were wasting the day away! Everyday, we ate lunch on tv trays in the living room, while watching an episode of Perry Mason, followed by CHiPs. At night, she would read Bible stories to us before bed, and though she might have inwardly, I never remember her flinching when we asked to her read the story about Peter in jail for the 100th evening in a row! She always kept a corkboard in her kitchen overflowing with pictures and postcards of foreign missionaries that she was continuously praying for.

My papap is a retired Christian and Missionary Alliance pastor and in his younger days, rumor has it, was also pretty good at baseball - the Cardinals are his favorite team. Singing is something he has always enjoyed; but don't expect him to sing you a song, without stopping in the middle of it to tell you about his Savior and all the things that God has done for him. He enjoys late night snacks of ice cream or candy, and never passes up the chance to tell you one of the million good joke he's heard. In the middle of any given conversation, he'll stop you so that he can take the time to pray for you, the future, or whatever it is that is going on.

They both love McDonalds and Cracker Barrell and the bags of mini-assorted candy bars. They love their friends and they really love their family. But, most importantly, they love Jesus, with all their heart. And it could only be because of this, that they've been able to weather 58 years of the storms of life together, and still be as much, if not more in love, than they ever have been.

Sadly, it seems the next storm of life has hit. My grandma has been confined to bed and unable to move as a result of a back injury from a fall. Compounded with her age and other complications going on, the doctor has said that treatments to help don't seem to be working and she's rapidly declining. My papap has suffered tremendously from the stress of worrying about the one he loves and is physically worn down. Additionally, he's scheduled for a colonoscopy within the next week, and the doctors have said that based on the signs, we should be expecting the worst results.

While it's hard to watch all of this going on, what I have seen more and more, is just the way these two people still love and need each other. "I need you" is what my grandma told my papap when we went to visit her in the hospital. My papap, wasn't satisfied until his wheelchair was sitting as close as possible to my grandma's bedside. Like a line from the old country song by Shenandoah - I Wanna Be Loved Like That - that says "One boy fighting for one girl"...it's as if I was able to see for the first time how much each of them really has gone down hill physically, and how much each of them is fighting for the other by still holding on. There's no doubt in my mind, that when one decides it's finally time to let go, the other is going to be quick to follow. They can't help it, they literally love each other so much, I know one won't be able to live without the other. I can only hope that someday, should God choose to bless me with a husband and an earthly picture of His heavenly love, that after a lifetime of goods and bads, we are still fighting for each other until the very end.

I guess to finish, first, let me say that my papap and grandma are two of the most important people to me and I'm so thankful for the Godly example they have been in my life, and I know so many others. Secondly, I would just ask that you would be praying for them. For strength, for health, for the time they have left here on this earth. The selfish part of me wants you to pray that they would be healed completely and live at least another few years; but, realistically, knowing what I know, just pray that whether they have one day left or one year left, that they are happy, comfortable, cared for, and able to be surrounded by their loved ones, as much as possible. And, myself, my family.... can have a peace knowing, that when it is time for them to leave this earth, that they'll be happy in heaven, with no more aches or pains or heartaches, and they'll praising our God forever.

For starters...

so, i've been thinking about this whole blog thing for a while...and FINALLY i've decided to give it a try. all i can say is - we'll see how long this lasts! :P

i guess blogging could be good for different things...like keeping people updated about whats going in my life or big decisions or prayer requests or all of the above. or, i always find it amusing to read random stuff that other people blog about so i'm guessing i could probably use it to vent or voice my opinion on all sorts of things, and only those who are actually interested have to pay attention!

seeing as how this is my first official post, i figured for starters i'd just create a list with some random points about me and my life in general - past and present...fun facts if you will. maybe you'll learn something new... so, in no particular order, here goes :)....


#1) i have a twin sister. depends on who you ask, but i think the older we get the more we look alike; we will NEVER be anywhere near identical. personality wise - we are total opposites, but she's the best friend i'll ever have.

#2) i hate bluetooth earpiece thingies.... i mean, MAYBE if its the middle of the work day and you are some really official business person who is literally too busy to hold a phone, then i could possibly excuse it - but seriously, is 99% of the population so busy and important that their phone has to LITERALLY be attached to their ear while grocery shopping or attending a funeral?! once, i even saw a guy on an obvious first date with a bluetooth in his ear - i sure hope she didn't give him a second date!

#3) i don't like to talk on the phone (which could possibly add to my dislike of bluetooth devices). i screen calls, rarely listen to voicemails and i've even become horrible at responding to text messages and emails! face to face is definitely my preferred method of communication.

#4) i love dogs. A L O T. i'm actually pretty sure it's unhealthy how much i love them. God has totally used my love for dogs in some ways to convict me about the passion and love i sometimes lack for people...funny how that works!

#5) i've always had to sleep with my bed pushed up against the wall but it seems like all "real" adults have their beds sitting sort of in the middle of the wall. the past few months i've been embracing adulthood and have finally moved my bed away from the wall.

#6) snacking in between meals is really not my thing. candy and sweets are definitely not my favorite, but give me chips and salsa and it will be gone in no time.

#7) when i was little i broke my foot and my dad swore it was just a sprain. to this day the bone sticks out ridiculously far.

#8) happiness versus joy is a huge thing i've learned the difference between this past year; mostly due to the end of a really long relationship and friendship. easily one of the hardest things i've ever been through BUT i've been amazed at the literal joy and peace God has totally provided through trusting in Him and where He has me.

#9) thankfully, in this economy, i do still have a job, so i should def. spend less time complaining about it. it has taught me and grown me as a person a lot these past three years. and i know God can use me as a missionary for Him wherever i am, but sooner, like really soon, rather than later, i'd really like to be doing ministry as a full-time job. not sure yet what that looks like specifically, but i'm praying harder about it now, than i think i ever have. you can pray too, if you want! :)

#10) i'm definitely not committed to raleigh long term. i can't say that i won't still be here 10 years from now, but i'm 100% not opposed to being somewhere else either. i've got an "itch" as my cousin called it a few weeks ago.

#11) some day, if God allows, i really just want to be a wife and a mom. :)

#12) i love to read and wish i did more of it. when i grow up :P , i want a house with shelves and shelves and shelves of books. all sorts of random books - it's not necessary that i've read all of them.

#13) valentine's day is my FAVORITE holiday - hands down. i could have just been dumped and it would still be my favorite.

#14) i can't chew gum for very long. i also can't spit it out...for some reason i ALWAYS feel the need to swallow it.

#15) giving or making random gifts for people or leaving little notes "just because" is definitely one of my favorite things to do. this could be my very best friends or people i barely know. i also love to do it anonymously just because it's more fun that way. i wish i had more time and financial resources to do cooler things!

#16) i feel things through music. it's like i can take just about any song, happy or sad, and relate it to something in my life. sometimes, especially with the happy songs, i don't even have to relate to them, and they can still put me in a really good mood. especially when the weather is beautiful and i can blare them in the car with the windows down.



that's all i've got...until next time... :)