because it's my birthday.... :)

28 totally useless, random facts about me...

*i  hate running*

*if you leave me a voicemail the likelihood of me checking it is slim to none*

*i need my very own petting zoo*

*i avoid trips to the bank until i absolutely can't wait any longer to go*

*in 5th grade i had a crush on a left-handed boy who made check marks backwards.  ever since i've made check marks backwards*

*if something has a hood and i can wear it up, then i will*

*i say "sorry". a lot.*

*i've never seen anyone look cool wearing a bluetooth earpiece*

*i like fruit and i like dessert, but i'm not usually a fan of fruit desserts*

*i use an electric toothbrush*

*i love to be called "ash" but i'm funny about who can do it*

*i subscribe to disney channel on demand*

*ive eaten bologna and butter sandwiches ever since i was little*

*quilts are my favorite type of blanket*

*i easily hit snooze at least 4 or 5 times every morning before i actually get up*

*my favorite muscle is vastus medialis*

*i love to read the news online*

*i do not like lettuce*

*my favorite color is green*

*if i have a journal or a notepad, i want it to be unlined paper*

*i never make my bed. ever*

*if you want to see the sin in my life just catch me in traffic*

*i'm a napkin crumbler.  i've tried to be a folder, but i just cant do it*

*i love grapes but hate just about everything that is artificial grape flavored*

*golden girls or everybody loves raymond are a must-watch right before bed*

*if i could get by with wearing only gym shorts and tshirts for the rest of my life i'd be happy*

*i love to sit on the floor*

*"God didn't make me smart, He made me a people person" is a phrase i use to describe myself to others a lot*

told you i would :)

a quick highlight recap from april 'til now, (mostly all good) GO:
april - injured my knee
may - TOO MANY chiro and pt appointments
june - started full-time at camp
july - moldova trip
august - new discipleship class at church
september - lots and lots of weekend travel


anddd a little expansion on the updates of life over the past 6 months

1) working at camp, is in short - totally a God thing, from the timing of it, to the way He changed and prepared my heart for being here.  so cool that this place i've been a part of for the majority of my life is now also where i work.
2) this is easily the most happy and content i've ever been in raleigh, nc.  LOVE it here and i know that too could only be a God thing.
3) 1 week from tomorrow is mine and ali's bday!! we're planning to celebrate with a trip to nyc and the taylor swift concert!  it's def fun having a twin to celebrate with every year! :)
4) only 2 trips to the state fair this year...a little disappointing but life is just so busy!



ramblings
Saturday morning, a couple of weeks ago, I went to a meeting for this business that I'm a part of.  The services are great, something I have for myself and believe in, but something I rarely tell others about.  This was the first meeting of this kind I have been to and the purpose of the meeting seemed to be a reminder of how great these services are and a motivator to get you to share, share, share what you have with others.  There were testimonies of success story after success story about how these services had worked for others, and statistics from individuals polled about how if they only knew such a service existed that they would immediately want in.  All of these things are so true and I was definitely inspired and excited again thinking about what I have that I could be sharing with others, but most of the time I'm not - out of fear.  But even more than being excited about this business, I was wholeheartedly, completely convicted about the lack of passion I have for sharing my faith with others around me - mostly, out of fear.


Near the end of the meeting, one of the speakers pointed out what a "unique" opportunity we have with this service, and if that is not also a great word to describe the gift of salvation then I don't know what is!  Fully God and fully human, perfect Jesus took my place on the cross so that someday I could spend eternity in heaven with Him.  Someone loved me enough to die for sinful, selfish me and wants a relationship with me.  Isn't that what most of us are seeking in this life anyhow - something or someone to fill that hole or void we feel?  That place we fit, that person to complete us and make us feel totally satisfied?          


I've been reading in Mark lately and there are a number of stories where God touches someone and heals them.  And each time He does this, that person wastes no time running back to their friends and family to share the good news of what God has done.  Maybe God isn't casting out demons in my life or healing my blind eyes, but there are certainly so many "success stories" of the ways God has been totally faithful and worked modern-day miracles in my life.   And there are so many lost hurting people around me who have never heard or seen that this relationship is for real; that God is real.  I want to continuously be seeking Jesus and being reminded of who He is and what He has done in my life that  I can't help but to minister out of overflow.   

*The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives....I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.  For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness....For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to  grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations*

-Isaiah 61:1, 10-11

I'm praying that God will keep changing my heart and molding me so He can use me...and that I won't let my pride or fears get in the way of sharing this amazing, undeserved gift that I've been given with all those around me.  I don't want to just go through the motions or look back at my life and see nothing but wasted opportunities...

i have every intention of starting to blog again soon.  promise. :) 

i always think i've got it figured out....only to realize i dont.  at all.


i'm just not there yet. sorry

proverbs 16:9

"the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps"


overwhelmed at where things in my life seemed to be heading right now.  it's all good, don't get me wrong - i'm excited!  just so surprised that this is where i am.  not a place i probably would've have imagined a year ago, but honestly i feel like all of it is a product of me taking small steps of faith and in obedience to things i felt God leading me to do.  i just had no idea where He was taking me.  and He has continued to confirm in one way or another each step.


i'm humbled and amazed.  a little nervous to let go of a few things, but excited about what comes next. 


i'll keep you posted :)

updates

moldova:  turns out God answered prayers so much quicker than my little faith expected and as of friday, i have raised $2030 for my trip, with a verbal promises of $150 more!

my sister and brother-in-law are renewing their vows with a small wedding ceremony this year, and i get my chance as maid-of-honor. :)
i finished book #5 for the year and am already started on #6.  if that makes me a dork - i'm okay with it.  
tangled - incredibly.cute.movie.

summer, summer, summerrrrrr :)

in  case you haven't already heard, this summer i am going to Moldova on a mission trip.  why Moldova, you may ask?  i say - why not Moldova ? there's a saying i've heard a number of different times that goes something like "you either give or you go" and God has definitely given me a big desire to GO!  so when the opportunity was presented to me, in short, i thought - what reason do i have to not go?  Jesus has commanded us to go and make disciples and i'm excited to be a part of the Great Commission.  as a bonus, turns out Shelley is also going!  she said yes to the trip the same day i did, and neither of us knew it.  i'm thinking that is totally a God thing.  


for more info about the trip you can click the picture below to see my support letter.  i've also put a picture of my fundraising thermometer so i can keep everyone updated on my progress.  


please be praying for myself, as well as the rest of the team,  as we prepare for this trip.  and, if you would like to be involved in this trip through financially giving - just get in touch with me! :)

*lessons learned*

God has really given me a heart for high school and college age girls and wanting to serve and minister to them at such a transitional stage in life.  Shelley actually also has a big heart for the same age group and the other night we spent some time chatting just about a few of our heartaches and regrets from those ages that we wish we could tell our younger self.  And, that we wish we could pass on to some girls that age now who we see going through the same things.  The convo really got me to thinking about all of the things I would tell 17/18 year old me, and while I'm sure this list is no way exhaustive, I figured I'd share a few.

1) say "thank you" to your parents more.  your frame of reference for life and bills and chaos is nothing like it will be in a few years.  your parents have sacrificed a lot for you so you didn't have to do without.  make sure they know you appreciate it.

2) listen to others and pay more attention.  everyone is fighting some battle or heartache.  instead of constantly complaining about why your life is so terrible, take time to see how you can love on and encourage those around you who may be dealing with something even greater than who talked trash about you behind your back.

3) save, save, SAVE.  you don't really need that new dress.  does this one honestly need anymore explanation?

4) keep practicing your violin.  so what if its not the "coolest" instrument in the world.  someday you're gonna wish you could still play.

5) create healthier habits.  work out. learn to like more veggies and fruits.  one day your body is going to require these things to keep functioning and it'll be a lot harder to get in the habit then.

6) eat more junk.  in moderation, of course.  your metabolism will slow down, so why not take advantage of that extra cookie or piece of cake while you can.  and remember, you are NOT fat.

7) don't give your heart away so easily.  someday, God willing, you will have that prince charming husband and perfect little family with 2.5 kids and a dog.  but don't rush it.  and don't give away even the smallest piece of your heart, emotions, or your body until then.  you will regret it.

8)  don't wish your life away.  the older you get, it really does seem like, the faster time goes.  you have the rest of your life for whatever it is that comes next.  enjoy living the careless lifestyle (even if it sometimes includes ridiculous amounts of homework) because it wont last forever.

9) confidence is key.  stop caring so much about what others think about you.  a little confidence in yourself will go a long way.

10) a core group of girls is a necessity.  sometimes girls have more drama, yes, but a girl will also understand that matters of your heart so much better than any guy "best friend" can.  make sure you have at least one girl to laugh, cry, and fight with.

11) value your extended family.  sure, it can be boring sometimes hanging out in the old folks home with papap and grandma or missing that party with your friends because your family is having a reunion.  but someday you'll wish you had treasured the limited time you got to spend with those who love you the most.

12) take care of your skin.  wear sunscreen and don't pick.  scars and skin cancer are not as cool as being tan or trying to make that blemish disappear in time for prom.

13) take life less seriously.  stop stressing and worrying over stupid things you can't control.  laugh more, forgive and move on quicker.  

14) branch out.  take more chances to do things you might be a little hesitant or scared to do.  make friends with people you might not usually or join a club that interests you, even if all your friends are doing something different.  

15) you aren't a grown up.  you might think that because you're 18+ you've finally reached adulthood, but you are so very wrong.  in 10 years, you'll realize how little you know and will literally discuss with your friends "when do you think we will actually start to feel like an adult?"

I'm not old, and I definitely have so little wisdom compared to what I'd someday love to have.  But, in my 27 years on this earth, I can definitely say I've "wised up" in some areas and learned a few things.  I am certain though, I still have sooooooooo much more to learn.

how did it come to this?

i've neglected blogging lately....so much has happened since the last post, too much to even post here...or want to make an effort to...


do you ever think God just looks down at us and thinks "what are you doing?!  i wish you wouldn't say that or think that or act like that..."  i'm not just talking about me.  i mean, i'm certain He thinks that about me more often than i'd like.  but just us, as a people, as friends, or a church, or a nation, or the world.  i ask myself all the time "how did i get here, how did it come to this?" and sometimes i really think God just has to be looking at us and wondering the same thing. of course, i feel sure the answer is sin.  thats why we do what we do. but why, why, why choose all of these things over Him...all the time. honestly - how did we get here?

yep.

yep, this week, i DO have my first moldova meeting.
yep, this wednesday, i WILL be at the chamber of commerce business expo downtown all day.
        (click here to get your free tickets to check it out/visit me) :)
yep, this week, i AM going to the beach.
yep, this week, me and mom ARE going to the movies.
yep, this week, i WILL see my papap and grandma in pennsylvania.
yep, i HAVE been looking forward to this week for so, so, long.
yep, this MIGHT be the best week ever!

what comes next

this past year God has convicted my heart and begun to change it about a lot of different things.  and it's funny because each time i think to myself "shew - i'm glad i got that one under control", instead i'm convicted again about ways that i can take it just one step further.  my faith has been challenged, but again my heart has been changed.  its so cool to finally see some things changing where literally the only thing i can say is "its not me, its Jesus" because i knowwwwwww stubborn, sinful, selfish ashley would never make these decisions on my own.

a little nervous, but oh so excited to see what comes next! :)

nostalgia

long live....

*and the cynics were outraged, screaming 'this is absurd.'  cause for a moment a band of thieves, in ripped up jeans, got to rule the world.*

all in a days work...kinda.. :)

last night - small group with only the ladies was awesome.  love, love hearing from their hearts.
today, i woke up in a fantastic mood - just because :)
today, is my favorite weekday of upward - both kindergarten practices!
today, i bought taylor swift tickets and excited doesn't begin to describe my feelings!
tonight, its tv time and black bean and spinach enchiladas with laura.  Y-U-M


i'd say, it's shaping up to be a pretty awesome 24 hours.

true.story.

i have been grumpy...for like a week straight...at least....


i am just.so.so.tired.


:/

wishful thinking

sometimes i wish i could make decisions for other people.  i wish i could change their minds or make them want something different.  i wish i could let them see what i see.  i wish i could make them see how much Jesus is really the only thing they'll ever need.  i wish that i could help them experience the peace and clarity that comes from knowing He is really the only answer for everything.


and...i wish i was faithful to pray for them so much more...


...instead of just wishing i could do something to fix it or change things.

the reason for the world

i love this song.  i feel like everything that it's about, all that it is saying, is exactly like what i've been dealing with and processing in my own life, over the past year to year and a half.  i even blogged about it a few months ago here.  one tough thing would happen, my heart would start to heal...and then it just seemed as if the next tough thing would immediately arise.

it's safe to say, summer was a breaking point for me.  i'd had enough hurt and hard stuff and one last trial just sent me over the edge.  probably the lowest point emotionally that i've been in my adult life.  but, God was working and teaching me and growing me SO MUCH through all of it.  

it's funny that summer was so difficult for me, but multiple times in the fall and winter i've found myself wishing to feel like i did in summer.  not because i enjoy the hard stuff - it was not fun at all.  and its also not because of wishing for fun days at the beach or evenings with great friends (though all of those i am looking forward to :P)  i've missed summer because though it was incredibly, emotionally draining, it was also the most dependent i've ever been on God.  and the freedom and hope and joy that came with that were beyond words.  

losing the comfortable and stable things in my life made me long for my heavenly home like i never have before.  i wish i didn't need the trials in my life to fully rely on God and not try to do things on my own.  i wish i was always walking with Jesus, the way i was this summer.  i'd love to say i never get caught up in the things of this world.  but i am thankful for the hard things and the way they point me to Jesus.  and i'm praying that He keeps reminding me that this world is not my home...even if that means more heartaches.  

in honor of valentines day

valentine's day is my favorite holiday. if you ask me why, i really can't explain...i just love it. always have, probably always will. EVEN if i had just been dumped, i would still love it. weird i know - its just who i am :P i also love those cheesy and totally predictable movies, better known as "chick-flicks"

so, in honor of valentines day - here's 5 of my favorites :)

1) while you were sleeping

2) never been kissed

3) pride and prejudice (the one with keira knightley)

4) the wedding date

5) 27 dresses

and just because it's valentines day...5 of my favorite lovey dovey songs :)

1) drift off to dream by travis tritt

2) i wanna grow old with you by adam sandler

3) you by rascal flatts

4) jump then fall by taylor swift

5) look at me by carrie underwood

obviously, because i'm such a sap this doesn't include nearly all of them...i don't think there's enough time, or i have enough brain power to try and condense all the love songs and movies i'd consider a "favorite" :)

change of heart

over the past 6 months or so, maybe even longer, God has been prompting me to make some changes, to re-evaluate some things, including, are there any things that i'm holding on to much too tightly. surrender, i guess, has been the real topic. i have all these things that i want for my life, but are they the things that God wants for me still, or even if they are, am i seeking to follow His timing? or am i working too hard to plan them out for myself?

my pretty consistent prayer for the past couple of months has been that God would change my heart. i want to desire the things that He does for my life, not the things the world tells me, or the things i'm holding on to. so, i was pretty excited lately to see and feel like He has been making those changes in me.

if you've ever spent any time having serious convos with me, or possibly even just read my blog, then you probably already know what i'm about to say. if i had a crystal ball and could peek into my future, in this life, the two things i would most hope to see is my chance to be a wife and a mom, and to opportunity to serve in full time vocational ministry, most likely with campus crusade for Christ.

i've always wanted to get married and have kids. but, it wasn't until college that my heart changed and i suddenly desired more than just to get married and have a family because it seemed like the thing to do. it became my biggest desire to hopefully, if God allows, someday only be a wife and a mom. i say only, as if it's not a big task...when in reality, i know, it will be the most rewarding and toughest job i'll ever have. i guess i just realized that i didn't feel called or excited really about much other than that. i'm certain this was God changing my desires....and the plans i'd been making for myself.

it was also in college that God began to fine tune and whittle down my desire to be in ministry without really knowing where or what. i was privileged to get to be apart of and serve in campus crusade for Christ. through my bible study, special events and trips, and even the large group meeting, i not only met some of my very best friends, but i also saw an organization that i really wanted to be apart of. even since leaving college, God has continued to confirm for me that i would love to serve in crusade as more than just a student. i would love to serve as a full-time job.

now both of these things i want, but if i'm being honest with myself...and whoever is reading this...i've probably always just wanted to be a wife and a mom more. i definitely wish for both, but if it came down to only choosing one, hands down, i'm sure i would have picked the family thing, no questions asked.

i was randomly thinking over these things while getting ready one morning. i had been talking a lot lately with mallory and a couple of others about joining staff with crusade, what that would look like and when it would happen. and of course, because i'm a girl, i'd also been asked and discussed with a few friends about any prospects in my life. while processing all of this, i had this sudden thought "well i don't want to get married before i have the chance to join staff with crusade". it was like my mind did a double take, as soon as i this thought crossed my mind! old me, the one holding on so tightly to the way i thought things should happen, would have never had that thought. but, i really feel like...or know...that it was God showing me how He has begun to change my heart! and that is so exciting to me!

i still desire to be a wife and a mom some day, and i fully believe that its a desire God has given me. but, i think He is helping me understand and see even more, His timing is perfect. a family would be a great gift, but so is my singleness. and He has so many ways that He could and wants to use me as a single person too. it just requires me letting go of all my plans and allowing Him to keep changing my heart. i can't wait to see what comes next :)

everything i need

when every step is so hard to take

and all of my hope is fading away

when life is a mountain that i can not climb

You carry me, Jesus carry me.

spring fever

drift off to dream

*lets hold hands on the porch swing, under the moon
while the wind through the willows plays us a tune.
we can lie on a blanket, out back in the yard
and wish for our future on a far away star*

just downloaded this song today - it's always always always been one of my favs.

currently listening to it on repeat...and probably for a good part of today :)

i like it

"President Reagan said, “We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.” Acts of monstrous criminality stand on their own. They begin and end with the criminals who commit them, not collectively with all the citizens of a state, not with those who listen to talk radio, not with maps of swing districts used by both sides of the aisle, not with law-abiding citizens who respectfully exercise their First Amendment rights at campaign rallies, not with those who proudly voted in the last election....If you don’t like a person’s vision for the country, you’re free to debate that vision. If you don’t like their ideas, you’re free to propose better ideas. But, especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible. There are those who claim political rhetoric is to blame for the despicable act of this deranged, apparently apolitical criminal. And they claim political debate has somehow gotten more heated just recently. But when was it less heated? Back in those “calm days” when political figures literally settled their differences with dueling pistols? In an ideal world all discourse would be civil and all disagreements cordial. But our Founding Fathers knew they weren't designing a system for perfect men and women. If men and women were angels, there would be no need for government."

-Sarah Palin