friidddaayyy

state beat duke at home this week, and i was there to see it! go PACK! sometimes, i feel like the older i get, the less i know about who i am and what i want - shouldn't it be the opposite? i'm not ready for a new dog just yet, but i have started exploring the options of a small dog next. boxers are still my favorite but i think a shih tzu might also be in my future. call me crazy, but i'm signing up for the kk challenge...should be interesting. sometimes people talk too much...sometimes i talk too much. my trip to boone is only a week away and oh how i so need to get out of raleigh! interlocking fingers while holding hands is way more my favorite than the other way. wikihow has an article on how to hold hands - true story. community = absolutely hilarious tv show! i'm so ready for cute summer dresses.

the weekend has finally arrived!

:)

*vulnerable*

"capable of being physically or emotionally wounded"
"open to attack or damage"
"liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses...."


mmmmmmm....


thank you merriam-webster.

in the middle...

that's where i'm stuck.

the end.

A New Year, A New You...

....or new me! :)

Resolutions aren't really my thing. I don't have any, nor do I plan to come up with any. Sure, I want to be better about some things, okay, a lot of things, this year - but I don't need to make a list to know what they are!

I'm making changes, I've already started - and that's what's most important! And I hope you will too! :)


Things I'm Excited about RIGHT NOW!

1) The Bachelor - Okay, so Jake's a tool, everyone knows it...but I just can't help being addicted to this show! I'm excited to see what happens and I'm certain I will be googling the end result in the next few weeks! I promise not to spoil it for anyone! :)

2) The Amazing Race - I've never watched this show, but rumor has it that Jeff and Jordan, my absolute favorites, from the last season of Big Brother will be competing and that reason alone is enough to make excited about it starting!

3) Thursday - which means tomorrow is Friday and that is the WEEKEND!!! :)

4) Boone - We're planning another Boone trip for the end of this month and since the last one was so much fun, I'm sure this one will be a blast as well! Most importantly, I'm going to need there to be a lot of snow!

5) Technology - So I've apparently been way behind the rest of the world BUT, I now have iTunes and I can now also create my very own AWESOME ringtones for free. *Shout-out* to my "secret" friend, Stephen Smith for this! :P


Life is good!

Broken-hearted

"Whatever the difficulty, the blow, we must keep on. God will lead to the result that will glorify Him"

Sometimes I like to spend a little time with Dad just listening to music, singing along and worshiping Him that way. Last night, He really struck my heart with the song Hosanna by Hillsong, most specifically, the part below.

*Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen;
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause*

I know that I fail so often at loving others, even those closest to me the way that I should, the way Christ loves them. I might listen to them when I hear about what's going on in their lives, but my self-centeredness keeps me from really trying to understand and feel their pain. I have enough going on in my life, so why would I ever want to carry the weight of someone else's heartache, too? Of course, I'm not a robot and I do feel emotion when my friends and family are down. However, more often that not, it's usually short lived and probably surface level, at most.

Laying in my bed last night, God used the words of that song to really convict me. I prayed over and over for God to show me how to love others the way that He does. And, I prayed that He would break my heart for the things that break His. I prayed expectantly, but His response came much sooner than I thought it would.

My heart literally aches this morning and it's as if my eyes have been opened wide to all the pain I've seen going on around me lately, but have been almost numb to. I've spent the morning in my office choking back tears because I feel lost and broken, helpless really, and it's not even me going through times of great suffering right now.

In the past week alone, I've heard about and seen a tremendous amount of shame and discouragement, confusion and frustration, and just plain hurt and sadness going on in the lives of some of my closest family and friends. Friendships and relationships are falling apart, people are placing their security and self-worth in so many unstable things, and others have lost their sense of purpose or direction, they feel like there is nothing to hope in. Everywhere I look strong, amazing, wonderful people are fighting battles and slowly being beaten down, discouraged, demoralized. It's disheartening to watch and I wish so much I had the right words to say to build them up.

Some of the battles these people are fighting I have been through before and know the pain all too well; others, I can't even begin to understand. I believe that God hurts when we hurt and I know His heart breaks to see some of the steps we take in life and the lies we allow ourselves to believe about who we are.

I'm thankful that God answered my prayer, and has allowed me to feel even a little of the hurt that is going on in the lives of just these few people close to me. My heart really is broken with them and for them, as I can only pray it will be for so many more friends and strangers, along the way. Because of this, I'm continuing to ask that God shows me how to love these people the right way, with a love that could only come from Him. And that through that, people will see Jesus in me.

As a child of God, and knowing that each of these people are believers, I'm also encouraged with the fact that God has chosen to use even little sinners like us to further His kingdom. I pray that Dad would fill these people with peace and comfort, that comes only from Him, as they walk through these storms of life. I pray that He would use me to love on and encourage them along the way. No matter how hard the trial now, I have faith that God is going to use each of these things to bring glory and honor to His name.