Am I prepared?

Last week I spent some time catching up online on a series called Passages from the church I was attending last summer and fall and will be going back to soon. The first message in the series was on patience and how to wait in those times in life when we are just so ready for the very next thing. What an encouraging and challenging message this was for me!

Sometimes I feel like this stage of life just really stinks. It's like I'm stuck somewhere between a college kid and a real-adult. Based on my age though, and the bills I'm stuck paying, even when I don't feel like it - I'd say I am DEFINITELY a real adult! :)

I think part of the reason I feel sort of in limbo is because all those things I see as "adult" decisions or events just haven't happened yet for me. More than anything, the biggest adult thing would be that someday, I am really hoping God allows me to be a wife and a mom. But, even though I want that, I think what burdens me even more at this stage of life, is feeling a little useless in how I spend my time - particularly my work day.

I feel 100% sure that God has called me to serve Him in full-time vocational ministry. But for now, for different reasons, that just hasn't been an option. One big reason is finances. A college degree is required for just about any job these days, including ministry; ironically for me, paying back loans for that college degree is a lot of what is keeping me from exploring more vocational ministry options and having the type of job I am really passionate about. Knowing this can definitely be frustrating and discouraging at times. It's like I'm so TIRED of waiting!

That phrase is something I say so often, and was totally called out on while listening to this sermon. The pastor pointed out that so often we say "I'm tired of waiting" but in reality, shouldn't we really be saying "I'm prepared for what's next"? Last week, God showed me, in more ways than one, just how unprepared I really am. God used multiple individuals in my life to point out just how much I truly fail at setting a good example for the non-believers in my life and for loving on those who are different than me.

I constantly complain about EVERYTHING. My actions and words can change based on who I am around and sometimes I am so intimidated to be a BOLD witness for Christ no matter who is present. I'm selfish and self-centered and unwilling to inconvenience myself by inviting non-christians around me to church or church-related events because I might be uncomfortable. Seriously?! These people don't have the hope that I have in Christ and I'm worried about being uncomfortable?! How UNprepared am I?!

What's so cool is that God completely used this time of showing me so many weaknesses and humbling me, to also encourage me about right where He has me. I might not be prepared yet for the next big thing in life, but God is totally working on and preparing my heart for whatever it is. It might be 10 days from now or it might be 10 years from now, but how encouraging to know that God wants to prepare and use someone so sinful like me!

I'm excited to see what the next stage of life will bring, but until then, I'm praying for patience and hope to wait on what God has for me. I need to be seeking after Him whole heartedly and allowing Him to prepare and change my heart so that I can serve and bring Him glory, even while I wait! I know it will be big and great, whatever it is, but I definitely don't want to be there unprepared, and I'm glad to know as long as I'm seeking Christ, He won't let that happen!